Who am I?

White.
‘racist’ some may say
British.
‘ No such thing’ they will say

‘But its a neccesity’ I say.

Wealthy.
‘spoilt’ some will say
Female.
‘weaker’ they will say

But its a neccesity I say.

Straight.
‘Lucky’ some may say
Outgoing.
‘Fake’ they will say

But its a neccesity I say

‘Who am I’ they say
Not my identity I say.

Education: Questioning society

I’ve recently been contemplating my influence on society and have established that unforgivingly, I am nothing more than an insignificant cog in a machine. However what is the machine? Society? Austerity? Capitalism? Never mind, I’m sure all words have produced negative connotations… in which case, we’re on the same track.
I can’t help but realise that we have been socially engineered and constructed to act as a small cog in order for this huge machine to function. Interestingly, our insignificance is highly emphasized by the fact that even if we radicalise ourselves, the machine carries on functioning (due to the amount of coerced, bullshit fed people).
Take the education system for instance. At 4/5 years old, our minds are ‘pure’. We aren’t aware of much more than what we have experienced. Our minds are impressionable and easily influenced. We then start school and the hegemonic mould begins. Why is it, I ask myself, that the people in power are the ones in charge of deciding what is worthy enough to be taught in the education system? After all, most people in power are corrupted leaders, so aren’t they going to have corrupted means? Why is it more important to learn the creation story? Why isn’t evolution worthy enough to be on the syllabus? Children are vulnerable and believe most of what is told to them, especially by a person in a position of responsibility i.e. teachers, police force etc. Oh this is extremely depressing. Surely then, children should therefore be taught to be critical thinkers? But oh no, I suppose that wouldn’t bode well with the rich, for a lot more questions would be asked. Throughout school, you are being educated how to fit into society. You are coerced to constantly be taking ‘the next step’ (school, college, uni ) to then have a ‘comfortable life’. Why aren’t we taught to be happy? to enjoy life? Typically, the people who follow the system consequent in a large amount of debt, securing themselves a fairly ‘good’ job (society is referring to professions ranging from primary school teachers to doctors, lawyers etc.) yet are likely to still not be satisfied as we live in a society which craves/wants more and more. Typically, those that do not follow the system leave school at 16 and generically, secure a job requiring little education. Perhaps in retail, a cleaner, an electrician, and craftsman; I could go on. Why are they the people on a lower wage? They are the people sustaining society. A lawyer or a solicitor isn’t? If there were not people cleaning the streets at 6am on a Sunday after a Saturday night on the town we would not tolerate the smell? Therefore, they play a vital role in society. If the poor people of India did not make our clothes we would have bare bodies (hypothetically). We are not self-sufficient animals. We do not catch our own meat, make our own clothes, and manufacture our iPhone. Society relies on the poor and uneducated, much like Athenians relied on their slaves, to live. So why are we valuing them less? Because they are lacking a state education or because ‘anyone can do it’? Because I know I couldn’t and I’m classified as ‘educated’. The only people that are truly educated are the ones who have opened their minds and recognised how socially engineered we are to follow austerity, capitalism and society.
Excuse the philosophical rant.

Embracing something new!

Firstly, I must convey how excited I was getting dressed up to go out last night. However, not to be going out… in fact I was dreading that! But to be able to wake up this morning in a hungover state to blog about my night! Is that sad and pathetic? I think not.

Whilst walking through Brighton lanes a few days ago, my housemate S had his vision caught by a promo poster. After about 10 seconds, he revealed that Levela some ( so i thought) shitty DNB DJ was playing at Volks on Saturday night. I must add, I am not a ‘dnb’ kind of girl *if ever there is such a thing*. Id much rather dance around to indie rock, cheese or anything upbeat which has the potential to dance and sing to. Anyway! He then proposed to our friendship group/ housemates that we should all attend and for me to get completely smashed to bare the pain, After haggling with S, we came to the agreement that I’d go with him if he came to see Coasts with me later this month (fav band atm). THE DEAL WAS ON. *complete regret at the time*

My mind was in turmoil all day yesterday as to whether I should bail, but after a small amount of persuasion and peer pressure ( and quite a few drinks ) I was up for it! After a few hours of predrinks we got the bus and arrived at Volks. i walked in with a very open mind expecting to see a lot of ‘ketty rave’ kind of people. However, I was greatly mistaken. Alot of the people there were on MD but not the skanky MD kind. Ok, so im portraying myself as very judgemental, but I can assure you im not! I went to the bar and paid £10 for two vodka and cokes! TEN FUCKING POUNDS! Never mind ey.

Moving importantly on… ‘Levela’ was incredible. I danced not ‘skanked’ but had the best time. Everyone was just genuinely feeling the music, the atmosphere was alive. A couple of my housemates were on MD and despite the fact im not into drugs I didn’t even feel the need to. This came as such a pleasant surprise considering I was completely out of my comfort zone. I honestly didn’t want the night to end, obviously it had to come to an end. My friend G got too slaughtered and got kicked out when we were in the smoking area and being the great friend that I am, I got a taxi with her and my boyf did too. * 100 friend points right there*

So, we got back and put her to bed, finished a pizza hut we’d ordered from yesterday morning, put some drum and bass on boyf’s new speakers to then found myself sat in bed moving to the music * very drunk at this stage*. Overall, I was completely wrong to judge dnb music before embracing it and giving it a try. I recommend anyone else that was in my previous mind set to give it a try. I woke up this morning and Levela had replied to a tweet I’d posted last night whilst getting ready * practically slating him* oops. Uni is definitely about putting yourself out of your comfort zone and discovering new and exciting things and i feel I have done just that. Congratulations to me!

P

Moaning bitch… rightly so!

Source: Moaning bitch… rightly so!

Moaning bitch… rightly so!

So…

Im sat at my desk looking blankly at my laptop screen wondering why the hell won’t my boyfriend sleep with me. However, I must add that my current state is far more collected than a couple of hours ago- I burst out crying after speaking to an insurance sales man *what has become of my life*. Moving swiftly on! Has anyone else experienced this rancid period in their relationship? I am literally gagging, i mean, its been three weeks. You may think im over reacting however you’ll realise you are mistaken when I inform you that we live together, we’re both university students, have been together for a year ( even went out for our anniversary meal and still didn’t have sex that evening!!) and lastly, our relationship on the whole is better than its ever been. Ok now I am REALLY concerned. Fuck.

I keep thinking ‘maybe its me’ infact maybe it is me? I’ve put on a small amount of weight over the summer but really? He’s obviously aware of that and is fine with it as we were fucking over the summer FOR FUCK SAKE. Eugh, i’ve recited the whole ‘ maybe he’s just not that into me anymore’ (very generic I apologise) but he IS into me. The most frustrating thing is that he’ll happily encourage me to give him a blowjob yet won’t bloody touch me. He’s clearly horny if he wants head?! argh. Literally, we went out with our house mates two nights ago and I ended masturbating in the pub toilet (FYI this isn’t a regular occurance… promise). I’ve googled thousands of times ‘new ways to turn your partner on’ and the depressing thing is they all work… I get him hard and excited and then as soon as my body language implies intercourse he’s ‘not in the mood’ and ‘doesn’t know why’. We spend every night in the same bed despite having seperate rooms in a 7 bed house. So if im not mistaken thats twenty one times I have been rejected by my own boyfriend.

P